Dear Dr. Stratton,
I said some nice things about you a few weeks back, all of which are true. However, upon reviewing pictures from your recent visit I discovered that you stomped on my daughter Esther on the trampoline. I have a picture to prove it:
Poor girl. (Cha-ching!)
Knowing that I’m not supposed to sue a brother, I’d be glad to settle out of court. Since it’s my day off, I’ve been able to come up with some off-the-top-of-my-head settlement options:
- Cash. Name your own price. Just how motivated are you to make this little scandal go away? Hmm?
- Tuition. And board. For Esther. And her sisters. For four years. Each.
- How does “Esther Anderson Dormitory” sound? Or better yet, “Chris Anderson Auditorium”? (Caution: A shed behind the gym won’t do it. Well, probably not. Talk to me.)
- I’ve always wanted to be a doctor, honorary or otherwise. That would be painless.
Think it over, before this gets any messier.
In Christian love,
p.s. Dibs on Chuck’s legal services. Sorry.
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