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Breaking News: Pirates and Nationals Get Bailout

My sources tell me that after the President’s first pitch at the All-Star game Tuesday night, he had a couple quick conversations with the powers that be at MLB. The result? The federal government now owns and is running the Pittsburgh Pirates and Washington Nationals.

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8 Responses

  1. Perfect! Then I imagine he’ll pitch every game, but the cameras won’t manage actually to show any of his pitches (as they did President Bush’s opening pitches) — but every turn will be ruled a strikeout, and every game a no-hitter.

    Should be fun!

  2. That explains why the Pirates are doing so poorly this year! :-D

  3. That’s it, Dan. The AP reported that the first pitch was a 98-mph strike! :)

  4. Congress will pass a “Score Stimulus Package” reassigning runs from other teams to Obama’s team. Michelle Obama will head up outreaches compelling a certain amount of “volunteers” to attend each game, when attendance falters in the face of the onslaught of predecided results. Chris Matthews’ legs will tingle with every pitch. Keith Obermann will declare every opposing pitcher The Worst Person In The World. Oprah will cry.

    Me too!

  5. Chris — LOL

    Only 98? Are you sure it wasn’t 198 mph?

  6. This must mean that the Baseball Player’s Union will soon own 70% of each team, and those who used to hold secured debt of each team will only get 20 cents on the dollar….

  7. I wonder if the appointment of a latino woman to manage the Pirates would produce a better outcome than a white male. HAHAHAHA!!!!!

  8. The saddest part is that for about 30 second I thought you weren’t kidding.

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