American Idle: The Hymn Version

LINKS UPDATED & ADDED

_____

It’s Friday, I’m off, and I’ve not posted anything fun for a while. So…

Chime in! Which of the following online hymns is the worstest? Rate them from 1 to 5 6 7.

(1 for bad, 2 for worse, 3 for worst, 4 for worster, 5 for worstest)

(Update per Andy’s recommendation: 6 for worstestest)

(Update per Ryan’s recommendation: 7 for “my eyes are bleeding”)

A. Dean Martin Meets Charles Wesley

B. Sing for Change

C. Jesus Is My Friend

D. I Give You Freedom

E. Disco Power/The Renewed Mind is the Key

F. Hewn Out the Mountain (updated per Andy’s recommendation)

G. Stinky Feet and Stinky Worship (updated per Ryan’s recommendation)

Notes:

  • Feel free to explain your votes. Or not.
  • MTC does not recommend any of these songs or performers. Indeed, listen at your own risk, as these jingles have been echoing in my mind for several weeks.
  • Write-in votes are acceptable. If there’s another online religiously-themed song that we should be considering for the “Worsest” designation, by all means, link to it. (As long as I didn’t write it. Wise guys.)
  • For readers of a less, um, Reformed bent, we will allow you to assign a “0” to any of the videos that not only don’t offend you but actually inspire you.

(Update—HT: Too many blogs to name.)

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17 Responses

  1. How could you forget, “Could this be the stone hewn out the mountain?”

    http://www.baptist-city.com/stone.ra

    I don’t recommend listening to this. You have been warned…

  2. OK, here goes…

    E. Disco Power – 1 – this one is the least “bad” seeing that I was able to pick up few new moves for my next liturgical dance routine!

    C. Jesus Is My Friend – 2 – made me afraid that I’d be “zapped” by Jesus, my friend, huh?

    A. Dean Martin Meets Charles Wesley – 3 – it’s bad enough to forget the words to “Christ the Lord Is Risen Today”, but to put it side by side to “That’s Amore!” is beyond the pale

    B. Sing for Change – 4 – brainwashing children just isn’t right!

    D. I Give You Freedom – 5 – Bad theology trumps all

  3. Nice catch, Andy. We’ll make “Hewn Out the Mountain” Letter ‘F’. And the top score is now 6—worstestest.

  4. My two cents [heh, heh]:

    B. Sing for Change—6 (worstestest)
    E. Disco Power—5 (worstest)
    F. Hewn Out the Mountain—4 (worster)
    D. I Give You Freedom—3 (worst)
    C. Jesus Is My Friend—2 (worse)
    A. Dean Martin Meets Charles Wesley—1 (bad)

    Even Time & CNN think the Obama worship is “Creepy.”

  5. Before I rank them, there are two which I left out: E. Disco Power, F. Hewn Out the Mountain. I never saw E and I couldn’t get F to play. Here goes:

    1. Dean Martin Meets Charles Wesley. I can’t rank him low. I almost feel bad for the guy. Plus, at least the words he _did_ remember were sung in key (even if the high ones looked like they were going to kill him).
    2. Jesus Is My Friend. This one was terrible, but moved up the ranks due to its high get-it-stuck-in-your-friends’-heads-on-purpose-ability.
    3. I Give You Freedom. I don’t get it… all the great and wonderful things that God has done, and they have to make one up?
    4. Sing for Change – 7. I couldn’t watch the whole thing. Hopefully most of these kids will grow up to become immensely spiteful and embarrassed that their parents made them do this, and then become staunch hard-line conservatives simply to distance themselves in their own conscience from what will be known to them simply as “the video.”

  6. Nick, Even if you can’t hear it, you can at least get the gist of “Hewn” here. Delightful.

  7. Goodness, Chris. YIKES x5!!!! I haven’t laughed so hard as much as watching this stuff. I’m speechless. Thanks…great way to end a tough week.

  8. Found disco power here…


  9. […] over at My Two Cents apparently had too much time on his hands as he put together the 5 6 Worstest American Idle style “hymns” ever heard – […]

  10. Thanks, archshrk. :)

    I found the whole thing here, too.

  11. Chris-
    This link is the worst irreverent song ever – this tops the list.

  12. Wow, Ryan. I’m speechless. That almost makes “Jesus Is My Friend” look positively reverent. Almost.

    Terrible.

  13. Sad, really: dragging the Gospel through the muck of sleaze. As much as that is true, I still find it awkwardly and terribly funny. Kind of creepy, if you think too long about it.

  14. It is ironic to me that you posted these selections of song while I have been reading through Give Praise to God . I am currently in the middle of Terry Johnson’s chapter on Restoring Psalm Singing to Our Worship. In that chapter Johnson quotes John Calvin regarding the music of the church, a quote that is particularly apropos given the topic at hand:

    Care must always be taken that the song be neither light nor frivolous; but that it have weight and majesty (as St. Augustine says), and also, there is a great difference between music which one makes to entertain men at table and in their houses, and the Psalms which are sung in the Church in the presence of God and his angels.

    Johnson goes on to say,

    In contrast to the world, whose songs are ‘in part vain and frivolous, in part stupid and dull, in part foul and vile, and in consequence evil and harmful,’ Calvin insists that psalm-singing Reformed Christians should use melodies that are ‘appropriate to the subject’ and ‘proper for singing in the Church.’ The church, in other words, is to have its own distinctive music that is, unlike that of the world, characterized by ‘weight and majesty.’

    To that I might add that Hebrews 12:28-29 is still in our Bibles but it does not seem to be taken seriously enough, even sometimes by good men in our circles.

    Andy

    p.s. Kris, it’s too bad I missed the liturgical dance team at your church this past Sunday. Maybe next time I’m out your way…

  15. May God forgive me for even watching this pathetic trash. That said, don’t take it down, Chris. You are making a very solid point about how insidiously evil compromising the precious Gospel of our Lord and Savior is. Don’t take this post down, please. It is a true learning experience, makes us think, and the points are well scored.

    Funny: yes, it is. Applications for making me a stronger believer: priceless.

  16. This whole thread and these songs are like a paradox full of contradictions. I see freedom as the key theme. One one hand, if we’re Calvinists, we don’t like the song about freedom because we don’t have any and don’t like it when others say we do. The Obama song also was big on freedom. But we all know that electing someone like Obama will mean a loss in freedom (economic rights, free thinking (aka non-politically correct) rights, etc.). Other than that the song is right on. Yes, there will be change in the world when Obama gets elected, but it will be a move away from freedom, not towards it.

    So as good Calvinists who don’t believe in free wil, why do we NOT like the Obama song, since Obama is about less freedom?

    I am utterly confused about this whole thread. It’s like an Amway site for Muslims telling us to pick our favorite pro-American, pro multi-level marketing cult because we “hate their freedoms.”

  17. Wow, thanks JJones for chiming in and making a WHOLE lot of sense. That was greatly appreciated. Cleared the whole thing right up.

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